A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing Shell sign. And somebody was standing in front of the S.
有一个人驾车行车在工作的道上，一辆货车闯红灯违章从侧边撞到了他的车，那时候他就昏迷不醒了。道旁的非机动车把他从车内拉出去并唤起他。刚一醒来，他就拼了命的挣脱着，最终迫不得已用了药品才使他镇定出来。过了一会儿，他宁静了，他人问起为何要那么可怕的挣脱，他说道： 被撞以后我也全都不知道，当我们醒来，我发现了我躺在了马路边，前边是一个极大的广告牌子上边闪耀着 壳牌机油 ，可是有一个人遮挡了哪个 S 。
Which Month Did He Go Away
When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn t wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.
The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?
钱猫小编给人鞠躬礼，急急忙忙一点点头，即使完后。大家都怪他不讲礼貌。因此便有善心的人教版他说道，下一次鞠躬礼的情况下，你也就在心中数：一月、二月、 一直数到十二月才行，随后再直站起来。那样，礼数就全面了。
第二天，钱猫小编看到他的大伯，他便如出一辙。这躬鞠得长时间，大伯吃完一惊，赶快逃掉了。钱猫小编仰头一看，其叔早就去向不明，他便问行路人：我大伯几月份走的？
长者阶级
During the doctor s periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. Can you imagine, she said. Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!医师按时来探望我的老娘。我对他说妈妈不几日就需要庆贺她98岁的生辰了。医师听了也非常高兴，因此，他弯弯腰来亲了她一下。随后他说道不几日他还要庆贺自身的生辰，并规定她还他一个吻。医师走后，我妈妈厌烦地摆摆手。 你可以想像吗， 他说， 付了他70元，我都得亲他！
Keep feeding him nickels
A mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes. Frantically, she called to the father outside. Your son just swallowed a nickel and coughed up two dimes!What shall I do? Yelled back the father, Keep feeding him nickels!
妈妈见三岁的孩子将一枚五分镍币放入口中吞了下去，她马上将他抱住，头部朝下不断地敲打他的背部，他咳出了两颗一角的钱币，她发疯一样朝已经外边的小孩爸爸喊到： 你孩子刚刚吞掉了一枚五分镍币，可咳出两颗一角的钱币！我该怎么做呢？ 孩子爸爸高声回应道： 再喂他几只镍币！
精神病医生
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. Doc, he said, I ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there s somebody under it. I m going crazy! Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come to me three times a week, and I ll cure your fears. How much do you charge? A hundred dollars per visit. I ll sleep on it, said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. Why didn t you ever come to see me again? asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10. Is that so! How? He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain t nobody under there now!
林频去看看精神病医生。 医师，我一些不太对。每一次睡觉的时候，我还觉得有些人在床下。我要疯了！ 帮我一年時间， 医生说， 每星期来三次，我能医好你。 花费多少钱呢？ 每一次一百美元。 我能用心考虑到的。 林频回答。六个月后医师和林频在街上相逢了， 为何你从此不来呢？ 医师问。 一次一百块钱吗？有一个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就将我治好啦。 确实？他如何保证的？ 他让我将床腿锯掉。如今那没有人了！
A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
男孩儿问起的爸爸： 父亲，完婚要花多少钱？
His father replied, I don t know, son, because I m still paying for it now.
他的爸爸回应说： 孩子，我也不知道，由于现在我仍在为它买单呢。
我还以为那就是我手
Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn t you feel a hand in your pocket? Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine. 专家教授：天呐！有些人偷 了我的钱包！ 老婆：你难道说感觉不好到一只手伸入你的袋子？ 专家教授：觉得来到，可我还以为那就是我手呢？
他去世了
If you refuse to marry me, he swore, I shall die. She refused him. Sixty years later, he died. 假如你没同意做我的新娘，他立誓，我要死去。六十年后，他去世了。
帮我的爸爸做我的课外作业
Jimmy: Hey, Amy, aren t you coming out to play? Amy: No, I have to stay in and help my father with my homework. 基米：嘿，格蕾斯，你没出来玩吗？格蕾斯：不上，我务必留到家中，帮我的爸爸做我的课外作业。
我不敢想像
Guest: Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat? Hotel Host: I can t imagine, unless it s because you have the plate he usually eats from. 顾客： 为何你的小狗坐着那里老是看我进食呢？ 宾馆主人家： 我不敢想像，除非是是由于你拿了它常常用于进食的菜盘了。
我不能说是哪一年
Palmist: The life line in your hand tells that you will die in a year. Customer: Good gracious! In a year? Palmist: Yes, but I can t say in which.手相大师：你手里的命运线显示信息出你也有一年可能去世。消费者：天呐，一年后？手相大师：是的，而我不能说是哪一年。
帮我哪个打胜的
Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I m sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then.服务生，这一小龙虾仅有一只爪。抱歉，老先生，这只毫无疑问打过架了。哦，那帮我哪个打胜的吧。
在电话簿上
Boy: I d like to call you. What s your number? girl: It s in the phone book. Boy: But I don t know your name. girl: That s in the phone book too. 男：我想给你通电话。你的联系电话多少钱？女：在电话簿上呢。男：但是我也不知道你的名字.呀。女：也在电话簿上呢。
The absent-minded professor shouted: Kate, come to the blackboard! Another student says, Kate is absent, Professor. Silent! Let Kate speak for herself. 粗心大意的专家教授大声地喊到： 凯特，到教室黑板前边来！ 此外一个学员说： 专家教授，凯特没来。 别出声，让凯特自身讲。
我能存要多少钱
Husband: Before I married you, I never thought of saving money.Wife: And now?Husband: Now I m thinking About how much I could have saved if I hadn t married you.老公：在娶你进门处以前，我从来没有想过要存款。老婆:那如今呢?老公：如今我在想，如果沒有娶你的话，我能存要多少钱。
你碰到我脚了
Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven t even touched your tooth yet. Patient: I know. But you are standing on my foot! 牙科医生：请不要再叫了，我还都还没靠着你的牙啊！ 患者：可是，亲，你知不知道，你碰到我脚了！！！
慢行
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says, School-Go slow .教师:为何你每日早上都晚到? 汤母:每每我历经院校的转角处,就看见一个品牌上写着院校----慢行。
A maintenance man in a cemetery
He is really somebody My uncle has 1000 men under him. He is really somebody. What does he do? A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他简直一个大佬，我大伯下边有1000本人。他简直一个大佬。做什么的？公墓守墓人。
Five Hundred Times
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge s eye. You are a school teacher, eh? said he. Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write I went through a red light five hundred times.
在中西部地区一个大都市的交通法庭里，一位年青女性被送到审判长眼前，她因为开车闯红灯被开过罚款单。女性向审判长表述，她是一名院校教师，恳求审判长立刻解决她的案件，便于能够赶回去授课。审判长眼里闪出一丝狡黠，讲到： 你是院校的教师，对不对？女性，我立刻要完成我一生的心愿了。在哪张餐桌旁坐着，写 我驾车闯了绿灯 500遍。
Who Should be Given the Present
A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told? he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: You play with it, Daddy!
一个有五个孩子的爸爸带著一件小玩具返回家中，把小朋友们集结来问这一件礼品应当给谁。 谁最聪明，从来不和母亲犟嘴，让做什么就做什么？ 他询问道。大家都不做声。过了一会儿，小朋友们异口同声地说： 父亲，您去玩吧。
During the doctor s periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. Can you imagine, she said. Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!医师按时来探望我的老娘。我对他说妈妈不几日就需要庆贺她98岁的生辰了。医师听了也非常高兴，因此，他弯弯腰来亲了她一下。随后他说道不几日他还要庆贺自身的生辰，并规定她还他一个吻。医师走后，我妈妈厌烦地摆摆手。 你可以想像吗， 他说， 付了他70元，我都得亲他！
没把秀发全剪去啊
Miles sometime went to the barber s during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber s one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him. Hello, Miles, the manager said. I see that you are having your hair cut in office time. Yes, sir, I am, admitted Miles calmly. You see, sir, it grows in office time. Not all of it, said the manager at once. Some of it grows in your own time. Yes, sir, that s quite true. Answered Miles politely, but I m not having it all cut off. 麦尔斯有时候在工作时间去理发馆剪发，但它是违背公司办公室要求的：员工只有运用自身的時间剪发。一天，正当性麦尔斯剪发时，主管恰巧也进去剪发，并且就坐着他周围。 您好，麦尔斯， 主管说。 我看到你一直在工作时间剪发了。 是的，老先生。更是那样。 麦尔斯宁静地认可了。可老先生，你看看，秀发是在工作时间长的。 不统统对吧， 主管立刻说， 有一些是在你自己的時间里长的。 对啊，老先生，你觉得得很对。 麦尔斯文明礼貌地回应说， 但我并沒有把秀发统统剪去啊。
到底是谁全世界第一个男生
A teacher said to her class: Who was the first man? George Washington, a little boy shouted promptly．
How do you make out that George Washington was the first man？ asked the teacher，smiling indulgently． Because, said the little boy, he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen. But at this point a larger boy held up his hand. Well, said the teacher to him, who do you think was the first man?
I don t know what his name was, said the larger boy, but I know it wasn t George Washington, ma am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.
一个教师问她的学员： 到底是谁全世界第一个男生 一个男孩儿马上大声说出： 乔冶.美国华盛顿。 教师带著溺宠的微笑问这一男孩子： 你怎样证实乔治华盛顿是全世界第一个男生呢。 这一男孩儿说： 由于，他是第一个挑动战事，第一个认为友谊，而且是第一个深得民心的人。 这时候，有一个年纪稍大的男孩儿举起手来，教师问起， 你认为到底是谁全球第一个男生？ 男孩儿回应说： 我也不知道他的名字，可是我毫无疑问他并不是乔治华盛顿，由于历史时间书本上说，乔治华盛顿和一个小寡妇结了婚，因此在他以前，自然还有一个男的啦。
想不到那麼贵
A shoplifter 51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. Listen, said the shoplifter, I know you don t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this? The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, This is a little more than I intended to spend.
一个窃贼在一家首饰店妄图盗走一只腕表的情况下被现场捉拿。 听着， 窃贼说， 我明白大家也不愿惹事生非。我将这只表买下来，随后大家就当哪些也没产生，你看看如何？ 主管完全同意，随后列了一张销售单。窃贼看见订单讲到： 这比我最开始的费用预算稍微高了一点，大家还有没有划算一点儿物品。
